


Cancer's Choice

by TheAlternativeRuler



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alpha kids - Freeform, Brain Cancer, Cussing, Guardians - Freeform, Hospital Shiz, M/M, Not-So-Important Ships, Post Sburb/Sgrub AU, Sadstuck, Side Effects
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-26 05:58:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2640665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAlternativeRuler/pseuds/TheAlternativeRuler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sburb/Sgrub is finally over, everyone goes to live on earth, even the trolls. Everyone is alive again, and the weary heroes are finally able to rest in peace and forget about the game that had ruled their lives for the past three years. </p>
<p>Or so they thought.</p>
<p>Though Karkat felt immensely guilty over giving Jade's new universe cancer, he never thought about how it might affect him personally, he only thought of the general populace. Then, something horrible happens, and everyone's world is turned upside down when Karkat's mistake hits home.</p>
<p>One of them has cancer. It's terminal and extremely serious. They most likely won't live through it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Aftermath of the Game

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously I don't have any form of ownership to Homestuck, that's all Hussie's territory. Hope you all enjoy this, my first Johnkat fic ever!

Your name is John Egbert, and life is fan-fucking-tastic!

After three long years of Sburb, after three long years of fighting, death, and destruction, it's finally over. The Black Kings and Queens, Jack Noir, and even Lord English are all gone now, defeated for good. Jade was finally able to create the new universe, and you were all ready to go home. You also had a bonus-prize that was completely unexpected: all of the people who'd died during the game that stayed dead were now alive again, excluding the villains, of course. Jade did her whole Witch of Space thing, and you all went to live on earth in your newly created universe.

At first, it was pretty rough. The trolls had to adjust to life on earth, surrounded by other trolls and humans again, as they all inhabited the same planet now. It took weeks to get them to go out during the day (except for Kanaya) and weeks longer to get them out of their weird sleeping pod things and into normal beds. 

You guess it would take some getting used to, not having to hide away all day because you'd go blind if you looked at the sun, or not having to sleep in slime to keep horrible nightmares away. While the transition was tough, the trolls eventually got used to their new lives, and they really took to earth. With no more drones or cullings, they were able to become more peaceable and could easily coexist with humans.

That was all two years ago, now, you're 18 years old and you just finished your last year of high school. It was a little weird going back to school at first, surrounded by other kids and having to actually learn shit again, but it was kind of nice, in a way. The trolls had mixed feelings about school, but they eventually got used to it too. You all had a ton of fun these past two years, it was awesome to be able to just relax and live normally after all that shit that happened in the game. 

The game...most of the time, you tried to avoid talking about it. No one really wanted to think about the horrible things that had happened during those three years, everyone was content with the new, carefree lives they lived now. Honestly, it was easy to ignore. None of you have powers anymore, although there are strange connections with your classes and aspects that stuck. You're still obsessed with flying and the sky, Dave never has to look at a clock to know what time it is, it's kind of weird. Not the weirdest thing you've ever lived through, though. Not by a long shot.

The hardest thing to avoid about the game is cancer. The cancer that Karkat accidentally gave the new universe. He still feels extremely guilty about it, and beats himself up every single time he hears the word or sees signs of it in another person or hears about people dying from it. You and Kanaya tried your hardest to help your crabby pal, but some things just can't be forgotten, you guess.

But back to the end of your final year of high school. It's late June, school's been out for about two weeks here in Orlando, Florida. Orlando was a unanimous decision. You all knew you wanted to live near each other, Feferi and Eridan refused to live more than two hours away from a beach, Dave and Dirk vetoed living somewhere cold, you refused to leave the U. S., Rose and Roxy protested living up North, Jade and Jake wouldn't stand for an island, Jane wanted to live down South, and everyone else didn't give a fuck. So Orlando was the lucky winner. 

Actually, you really like Orlando, it's a beautiful city, and although you do miss snow sometimes, you adore all the rain in Florida. Summer rains are the best, in your book. You could watch a rainstorm for hours, you do watch rainstorms for hours. It's very relaxing, but then again, all things with the sky are relaxing to you. It's one of the reasons you're becoming a pilot, you and the sky have a special connection.

You can't help but be a little scared about it all, though. You'd finally been reunited with all your friends, and now that you're all growing up, you're walking your own paths. Everyone is pursuing their own career choices, and it sucks major ass. You're going to miss them all so fucking much...

"John! Dude, hold your fucking horses!"

You turn around to see your best bro, Dave Strider, running to catch up with you. You grin and wave at him, stopping so he can catch up. 

"Jesus fucking Christ, I've been shouting your name for five minutes!" Dave pants and glares at you through his shades. The shades you can't blame him for wearing now since it's almost always sunny in the Sunshine State. 

"Sorry! I was just...lost in thought, I guess." You shrug apologetically.

"Whatever. Anyways, I wanted to ask you if you'd come to Jade's tonight. She's throwing a huge, very belated 'end of summer' party. Everyone's coming." By everyone, you know he means your closer circle of friends, aka the other players.

"Sure, what time?" 

"8:00, and don't be late or she'll throw a fucking fit, and I honestly don't want a raging Harley on my hands tonight, okay?" 

You laugh. "Yeah okay, see you there!" Dave nods, gives you a fist bump, and strides off into the sunset like the coolkid he is. You roll your eyes while chuckling and walk home. Your Dad greets you the second you walk in the door.

"Welcome home, son. I made you some lunch before I needed to head to work." 

You walk into the kitchen to find a personal pan pizza (fuck yes, it has pepperonis) and, of course, a small cake. Even after the game, your Dad still bakes a billion cakes a day, but he makes them from scratch. No more Batter Witch shit in your house.

"Thanks, Dad. Oh, and I'm leaving for Jade's in a few hours, she's having a party tonight." You sit at the counter and eye your lunch hungrily. You've been wandering around aimlessly all day and you didn't have breakfast this morning, you're starved.

"Alright, have fun and be safe. If you end up spending the night, just text me to let me know." Your Dad ruffles your hair before sticking a fedora on his head. "I really need to go now, I'll see you later, goodbye."

"Bye Dad, see you later!" you call, waving enthusiastically. You have to admit, your Dad is pretty awesome, he lets you do almost anything you want now, as long as it won't be dangerous, and he does a lot of nice things for you. You mean, he always did, but it's even more now than ever before. Maybe it's gratitude, maybe it's guilt, or maybe he's just doing nice father things for the son he's still proud of.

You devour your lunch like you've never tasted food before and you're eating some of the finest shit ever cooked. Even the cake is delicious, you've pretty much gotten over your hatred for cake (your Dad and Jane teamed up against you). 

You decide to go on Pesterchum since you still have a couple hours before you need to be at Jade's.

\--ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 3:24--

EB: hey karkat! :B  
EB: are you going to jade's party tonight?  
CG: OBVIOUSLY.  
CG: HARLEY WOULD MURDER ME IF I DIDN'T SHOW.  
CG: AND SINCE I ACTUALLY ENJOY MY THIS MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR AN EXISTENCE RIGHT NOW, THAT WOULD SUCK MAJOR ASS.  
EB: haha okay.  
EB: so how's your summer been so far?  
CG: IT'S ONLY BEEN TWO WEEKS EGBERT.  
CG: NOT A LOT CHANGES IN TWO FUCKING WEEKS.  
CG: BUT IN ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION, IT'S OKAY I GUESS.  
CG: PRETTY BORING, I'VE JUST BEEN WATCHING A SHIT TON OF MOVIES.  
EB: you would be doing that on summer vacation.  
EB: i'm just really really bored and also kind of sad.  
CG: OH NO, A FELLOW FRIENDLEADER IS A LITTLE SAD, PLEASE EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO NOT GIVE A FUCK.  
EB: wow rude.  
CG: UGH FINE. LAY IT ON ME, I CAN TAKE IT. FOR A FEW MINUTES I WILL ENDUR YOUR SHIT, LETS SEE HOW MUCH I REGRET THIS.   
EB: i'm just really gonna miss everyone.  
EB: we're all going to college now, it's all gonna be so different.  
EB: it just feels like our family is breaking apart.  
CG: GOD YOU SOUND LIKE TAMAKI.  
EB: who?  
CG: UH FORGET I SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A CHARACTER FROM AN ANIME THAT NEPETA MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE MADE ME WATCH.  
CG: BUT I GET IT, IT'S A BIT DEPRESSING, EVEN THOUGH I'LL BE GLAD TO HAVE SOME TIME AWAY FROM ALL THE ASSHOLES I'M CONSTANTLY BOMBARDED BY.  
EB: yeah, it can be a little much, but i still don't really mind.  
EB: i actually really love it, i love having lots of friends around me all the time, especially you guys.  
EB: we've all been through plenty of shit together.  
CG: NO LIES THERE.  
CG: LOOK JOHN, I GET IT, I'LL MISS ALL THE FUCKASSES TOO, AND IF YOU TELL ANYONE THAT, I WILL SEND YOU TO HELL WITH THE MESSAGE THAT I'M COMING RIGHT BEHIND YOU TO FUCK SHIT UP.   
CG: BUT WE ALL KNEW IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN EVENTUALLY. IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE ALL GOING TO HAVE THE SAME FUCKING PLANS FOR OUR FUTURES.  
CG: SO MAN THE FUCK UP, SUCK IT UP, AND ENJOY WHATEVER TIME YOU HAVE LEFT.  
EB: okay thanks karkat.  
EB: you're the best! :B  
CG: THAT'S WHY I'M THE LEADER, NOOKWHIF.

\--ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 4:00--

Oh, looks like someone is messaging you!

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 3:57--

AG: John!  
AG: Joooooooohn!  
AG: John!!!!!!!!  
AG: >::::(  
EB: sorry vriska, i was a bit busy!  
AG: Doing what????????  
EB: talking to karkat.  
AG: You were talking to cra88y mccra88ykins instead of me!!!!!!!!????????  
AG: ::::O  
EB: sorry, i just wanted to talk to him about stuff, but i'm here now!  
AG: Ooh, what kind of stuff?  
AG: :::;)  
EB: oh my god vriska no.  
EB: whatever you're thinking just stop now.  
AG: ::::(  
AG: Fiiiiiiiine.  
AG: Aaaaaaaanyways I just wanted to m8ke sure you're going to Jade's party tonight!  
AG: I sure am!  
EB: yup me too.  
AG: I'm so ready for tonight.  
AG: :::;)  
EB: ...why does that kind of scare me?  
AG: Let's just say that shit's about to go down.  
EB: thanks for rationalizing my fears.  
AG: You're welcome!  
AG: :::;)  
AG: :::;)  
AG: :::;)  
AG: :::;)  
AG: :::;)  
AG: :::;)  
AG: :::;)  
AG: :::;)

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 4:13--

...tonight's sure to be...interesting.


	2. We Party Because We Can

Your name is Jade Harley, and you declare this party to be totally awesome!!!

The nineteen other members of your inner circle of friends are spread throughout your giant house, partying to their hearts' content. Some are grooving on the dance floor set up in your living room, others are eating and drinking everything you have left in your house, a few are swimming in your pool in the backyard, and the majority are just mingling and catching up. 

You see your "brother" John talking to Dave and skip over to them. "Hey guys!" you say, wrapping your arms around their necks.

"Hey, Jade!" John replies with a smile, hugging you back.

"Sup, Harley." Of course, Dave Strider is too much of a coolkid to hug you back, but at least he isn't rejecting you like a total douche.

"Having fun?" you ask, bouncing on your feet.

"Yeah! You sure know how to throw a party, Jade," John answers.

"At least it isn't as sucky as most of the parties these other assholes throw," Dave says, which in coolkid means yes, he likes it.

"So, what're your plans for the rest of the summer?" You lead the boys to a nearby couch and sit them down.

"I'm not sure. I don't think my dad has anything planned, so I'll probably stay here all summer." John shrugs.

"Bro and I were thinking of heading to Japan for a few weeks," Dave says, adjusting his shades. "Dirk and his Bro might tag along."

"That sounds fun!" you exclaim.

"So what about you, Jade? Any big plans other than this party?" John asks you.

"I might be going on a cruise with my Grandpa, I'm not sure. He hinted at it, but I might've just been reading him wrong." You put your finger to your lip thoughtfully, pondering how well you've been reading into his hints.

"That's awesome! Where do you think you'll go?"

"Probably Africa if we go anywhere, it's somewhere we've both always wanted to go." You look away, fantasizing about all of the awesome adventures you could have in Africa.

"That would be so fun! If you go, you have to take tons of pictures and send me postcards and stuff!" John exclaims.

"Sounds pretty cool, hope you're not just making this all up in that crazy head of yours," Dave says, patting said head.

"I hope so too, it would suck if I've just been bullshitting myself," you say with a pout. "But enough of that! You two should go mingle! Have some fun, eat something, dance, I don't care, but just go enjoy the party!" You push them off the couch, and after small protests, they leave.

You stand up yourself and head over to the pool, where Feferi and Nepeta are sitting, their feet dangling in the water. You plop yourself down next to Nepeta and exclaim, "Hiya! How's it going, having fun?"

"Hi, Jade! This is such a grreat purrty!" Nepeta responds, hugging you enthusiastically. 

"Jade! Thanks so much for throwing this party! It's really fun!" Feferi smiles.

"You're welcome! I think we all needed this, just so we can all see each other before everyone goes off on vacation. And now that we aren't in high school anymore, we won't all see each other when summer's over, so I figured now is as good a time as ever for us to all meet up!" you reply, grinning at her.

"Yeah, it's kind of sad. I'm going to miss efurybody!" Nepeta says with a frown.

"Me too." Feferi sighs and looks down sadly.

"Hey, don't be such Debbie Downers!" you admonish, hands on your waist. "We're here now, and so is everyone else! We still have the rest of the night to party and make some more awesome memories with each other! And it's not as if we'll never see each other again, the Game still connects us all, so we're never going to stay apart. Our friendships will last for forever!"

Nepeta and Feferi smile widely. "You're right!"

"Yeah! C'mon, girls, let's go have some fun!" Feferi grabs yours and Nepeta's hands and drags the two of you inside. Your laughs get drowned out by the beat of the music as you're lead onto the dance floor.

~*~*~*~*

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you don't know who you want to kill more, Terezi or Gamzee.

It's only twenty fucking minutes into the party and the dumbasses already got themselves drunk on Faygo. And you already know from past experiences how much shit goes down when a drunken Terezi and a drunken Gamzee get together.

Sollux, the asshole that he is, is laughing at the embarrassing scene the two trolls are making as they attempt to dance and fail miserably. It's all a tangled wad of limbs, Faygo bottles, giggles, horns, and scalemates that you're sure you'll be responsible for untangling. Gog, you hate your life.

"Gog fucking dammit, Sollux, will you shut your seedflap already? Your incessant laughs are hell to my ears," you shout over the music, glaring at him.

He snickers and says with a grin, "Oh thut it, KK, thith thit ith fucking hilariouth."

Suddenly, like the ninja he claims to be, Dave jumps in with his own comment. "It's true. Funny shit is going on over there."

"Strider, what the fuck!?" You punch his shoulder for totally not scaring you not one fucking bit.

"Hello to you too, Vantas," he says in reply.

"Oh, I'm sorry for being so fucking rude. Why hello there, Dave, what in gog's name are you doing here. Surely you have plenty of other fuckasses to annoy that don't have a bit of a problem on their hands and are already sufficiently supplied with a bulgesucker." You point at Sollux, and you can just tell that he's rolling his eyes.

"Better. But you know full well that you're my favorite little shit to annoy. And what better way to annoy you than to pop up out of nowhere and get into a stupidly lengthy conversation about some seriously random shit when you're already annoyed by a fellow asshole and have a problem to deal with?"

You roll your eyes, not really in the mood to start shit with Strider tonight. During said rotation of your gander bulbs, you saw a bright streak of blue topped with a cow-licked mess of black hair disappear down the hall. "Was that Egbert?"

Strider looks in the direction you're pointing and shrugs. "Yeah, probably. We split up like five minutes ago after talking to Jade."

"I should probably act on my responsibilities as co-friendleader at some point and talk to him," you comment, turning away to reassess the complete train wreck that is Gamzee and Terezi. You're going to have to lock them in separate rooms soon so they can get their shit together. Lovely.

"No rush on that, bro. He probably ran off with Vriska or something."

This makes you tense a bit. Having Vriska and John alone or at least talking for extensive periods of time has proven itself problematic. Serket is too fucking manipulative and Egbert is the most naïve and gullible creature you've ever met. Not a great pair.

Dave glances over and sighs loudly, throwing an arm around your shoulders. "Dude, relax. She's not gonna make him do anything illegal. Well, probably not."

"Wow Strider, I feel so much better after that. You're so reassuring, it's absolutely fucking incredible," you say with another eye roll, not shrugging off his arm just yet. You know if you do, he'll start whining and you don't have the patience or sanity left for that tonight.

"I know, I amaze myself sometimes." Instead of growling at that smug smirk on his face, you find yourself grinning just a bit. Damn, you're gonna miss this asshole.

"Well if you're oh so amazing, you should be able to help me gather up these ignoramuses and get them somewhat sober again."

"Hmm, that might just be beyond my extremely vast range of talents..." You feel his arm slipping off your shoulders and quickly dig your claws lightly (kind of) into his hand.

"Oh no you don't! If you're here to laugh at this shameless display, you're here to help deal with them after they're done making complete nookwhiffs of themselves," you declare, refusing to let go. You are not dealing with this alone.

Dave groans. "Fine, I'll help. But you owe me one! Don't forget it dude, I'm going to call you up on a favor and you're going to do it no matter what it may be."

"What kind of shitty trade off is that? I didn't crawl out of the caverns yesterday, Strider. You'll ask for something horrible and I am not going to demean myself to amuse you." You cross your arms and huff.

He places a hand over his blood pusher, a plastered-on look of hurt on his face. "Karkat, I would never do such a thing to you! That would be strictly against the bro code and everything is stands for."

You grumble, about to retort when you hear a noise that sounds like a wailing honkbeast. Looks like they finally passed out from the sugar high, thank Gog. You move to grab Gamzee and Dave is behind you with Terezi in tow. The two of you half drag, half carry the two bulgesuckers down the main hall until you find two separate guest bedrooms to throw them in. You don't bother locking the door; Gamzee and Terezi are out cold, and anyone dumb enough to wake them deserves their fate.

You and Strider walk down the empty hallway together, heading towards the main room. He puts his hands in his pockets and nonchalantly says, "So, what are your plans for the summer?"

You shrug. "I don't really have any. More likely than not, I'll stay here and start studying my ass off to get ready for college. I can't let a single fucking grade slip if I want to graduate and have any chance of making it after school."

He nods and whistles long and low. "I still can't believe you're going to put yourself through normal college classes and medical school."

"Your thinkpan must be a hell of a lot smaller than it used to be. I already got a fuckton of credits for all the required stuff they make you do. After a couple more classes, I can just focus on the medical shit."

"You took way too many AP classes, bro. You were dead on your feet every goddamn day and all you did was work. Now you're still doing just that." He shakes his head and gives you a look. "Y'know there's more to life than just slaving away at a fucking desk."

"You know why I'm doing all this, so shut your fucking seedflap already."

He stops you with a hand on your shoulder. "You're still beating yourself up over that, aren't you?"

You glare down at your feet, not gracing him with an obvious answer.

A sigh, then he's wrapping his arms around you and it's all knees and elbows and chin digging into your body. Hugs with Dave Strider are painful, but at the same time incredibly comforting. You don't hug back, but you relax a bit in his hold and take a deep, shuddering breath.

"Shh..." he whispers, patting your back gently like you're a wriggler that just got scared shitless. You have to admit, Dave is good moirail material (not that you'd ever tell him that).

He pulls away after a minute, looking you in the eyes, red mingling with red. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Good." He turns to continue walking and you follow.

"...thanks, Strider. I guess you're not a complete asshole," you grumble quietly.

Out of your peripheral vision, you catch a glimpse of a smile turning up his lips.

~*~*~*~*

Your name is John Egbert, and you're not entirely sure where you're being dragged to at the moment, but it's Vriska and you're smart enough to know not to argue with her or ask what she would deem unnecessary questions.

She appeared out of nowhere while you were talking to Jake and practically tore your shoulder from its socket when she ran past and grabbed you by the wrist. You yelped and started running to catch up with the incessant pull on your arm, leaving Jake utterly confused. You'd apologize for abandoning him in the middle of your conversation, but he was out of your sight before you could form the words.

After running out of the main room where the party was taking place (did you just see Dave and Karkat???), Vriska slams to a halt and you narrowly avoid running into her.

"Whoa!! Vriska, what the heck are we doing?" You turn to her and pout in confusion.

"Remember when I told you shit was about to go down earlier?"

You nod.

"Well, we're about to rain down the shit!" She grins, white fangs in stark contrast against the bright blue of her lipstick.

You frown a bit. "Is this going to ruin Jade's party? She worked hard to set it up and get everyone together!"

Vriska waves you off. "Of coooooooourse I'm not ruining her party! What exactly do you take me for, John? We're just pulling...a prank, of sorts."

That certainly turns your frown upside down. "A prank? I'm so in."

"I knew I could count on you!" She smacks your back (a bit too hard for what its intentions are) and goes on to explain her prank. "Okay, so here's the plan. You're going to pour this into the punch bowl." She pulls a bottle out of her pocket that's filled with this strange blue goo. 

"What is that? And what exactly is the prank part of this?" You give her a skeptical look.

"It's concentrated blue food coloring. It's going to stain their tongues blue for a month as soon as they take a sip of the punch!"

"Wow, really!?!? How'd you get this stuff!" You grab the bottle and look at it more carefully, prankster's gambit filled to the brim.

"I had to make it. It's really difficult to do and it takes a loooooooong time, it took me all year to make this much of it. I've been saving it for a special occasion!" She grins maniacally.

"So why let me do the honors? Not that I'm complaining!"

"Because I'm the planner and supplier, you're the pranking master." She pokes your chest.

"Hehe I guess so! Well, when should I do it?"

"Now! Before anyone goes to get more punch. You have to mix it in too, make sure it spreads all throughout." She shoos you away. "Go on, hurry it up, Egbert! We don't have all night!"

"Alright, alright, I'm going!" You run in the direction of the kitchen, missing the snake-like grin she has aimed at your back.

"All according to plan."


	3. A Prank Gone Wrong

Your name is John Egbert, and this is one of the best pranks you've pulled in a long time.

With final exams and college acceptance letters and everything else that's been going on lately, you haven't had a lot of time for pranks. It's great picking up your art again, especially when the prank you're coming back with is this good. You need to ask Vriska how to make this stuff, it's glorious.

Carefully, you uncap the bottle and pour its contents into the gigantic punch bowl Jade has on the counter. Seriously, this thing is big enough to swim in. You're not sure why Jade felt the need to make so much punch, there's only 20 people here.

When the entire container is empty, you take a big metal spoon and stir the punch. Wow, this is a lot more challenging than you thought! This punch is so...gloppy? It's sticking to your spoon. Maybe it's the blue food coloring stuff? You hope no one notices before they drink it! It'll ruin the prank!

Finally, after quite a good arm workout, you manage to mix it all in and get the consistency to slightly less goo and slightly more liquid. You recap the bottle and bury it in Jade's trashcan (gotta hide the evidence). With a quick look around to make sure no one saw you, you bolt out of the kitchen, smile plastered on. This is gonna be so great!!

~*~*~*~*

Your name is Vriska Serket, and as mentioned before, everything in your plan is working perfectly.

Lying to John with the pretense of an innocent prank was much too easy. Now that he's done his part, it's time for you to do yours.

You stick your head out of the kitchen and look around in the main living room. No one's there, it looks like they're all in other places at the moment. Excellent.

Carefully, you drag the punch bowl (you're grateful to Jade for using such a large one) into the living room, right on top of the dance floor. You grab the rope you had hidden behind the curtains and string up the punch bowl by its handle. Then, you tie another rope to the handle and leave it dangling. Slowly, you pull on the first rope and hoist the punch up into the shadows of the ceiling. Thank Gog for troll strength, this punch is heavy as fuck. When it's safely hidden, you tie the rope to the leg of her couch (once again, thank Gog for Grandpa Harley's taste in sturdy, unmovable furniture). The other rope you hide back behind the curtain for later use.

You step back and grin at your work. This is going to be fuuuuuuuun.

~*~*~*~*

Your name is Rose Lalonde and you're feeling just a bit nostalgic.

Looking around, you see all your friends, trolls and humans alike. You can't help but remember all you've been through, all the memories you've shared, good and bad. It's bittersweet and hurts your heart in all the right ways.

"Get back here, you little shit!" Dirk yells, running past you after a laughing Jake.

"Better run Jakey, you know how he is with his hair!" Roxy calls after him, grinning at her boys. Jane is beside her, rolling her eyes with a soft smile on her face. He must have sprayed Dirk's hair with a water gun; you hope he doesn't get punched in the face.

Just across from them, you see Jade, Nepeta, and Feferi having a dance off against Equius, Eridan, and Sollux. The girls are winning, no contest.

Tavros is in the pool with Aradia, both of them chatting and laughing happily. 

John, Dave, and Karkat are having a contest to see who can make the biggest cannonball, while Vriska calls out ratings on the sidelines. 

You're laughing while watching all your friends, reveling in the new memories you're making, happily thinking back on the old ones. It isn't quite like you to admit it, but you'll miss them all terribly.

Suddenly, a hand comes up and swipes tears off your cheeks. You blink in surprise, unaware that you had even been crying.

"What's wrong, darling?" Kanaya sits next to you on your deck chair, looking at you with concern.

"Oh, it's nothing. I wasn't even aware that I'd been crying, how embarrassing." You wipe your eyes with a small chuckle.

"Why on earth were you crying?" She takes your hand and places both your hands together in her lap.

"It's just..." you sigh and look out at the scene before you once again. "I'll certainly miss all this. We've been through so much together, I can't fathom how life will be without everyone together like this."

"Oh, Rose." Kanaya pulls you into a hug and shooshes you. "It will be alright. We'll never truly be apart, and we'll always be there for each other. Visits will be plenty and often, I'm sure. Don't fret, everything will be okay."

You hug her back tightly. "Thank you, Kanaya. You always know just what to say."

She smiles and kisses you lightly. "That is my job, after all."

After sitting and talking with Kanaya for a bit, you hear a voice ring out across the backyard.

"Attention everyone. Please go to the main living room ASAP!"

"Is that Jade?" Kanaya questions, tilting her head.

"She must be using the intercom." You stand up and fix your skirts. "Come on, she'll throw a fit if we aren't there." Kanaya stands and follows you back into the house.

~*~*~*~*

Your name is Jade Harley, and you're patiently waiting for your friends to get their asses in your living room.

Okay, maybe not so patiently. You're just really excited about making the toast! You have this whole emotional speech planned.

Some people are already there. You, of course, standing on the coffee table. Vriska leaning on the wall by the curtains. Rose and Kanaya sitting on the love seat. Feferi is dragging Sollux and Eridan in by their ears. Nepeta is piggybacking on Equius.

You sigh and smile down at your friends. It's been fun, it'll really suck not getting to see them everyday. 

You hear a loud honk coming from the hallway and turn to see Gamzee collapsed on the ground. Terezi is in front of him, rubbing her temples and stumbling to a chair. Karkat rushes in and over to Gamzee, lifting him up (you're not sure how, since Gamzee is almost twice his size), and dragging him over to the chair next to Terezi's.

Dave and John are coming in together, John laughing his ass off and Dave rolling his eyes. You have no doubt that John made some horrible joke.

Everyone else files in and you check to make sure everyone is present and accounted for. When you're sure you aren't missing anyone, you clear your throat loudly to get their attention.

"Ahem!" All eyes turn to you.

You smile and begin, "Thank you all for getting here so quickly. The reason I made you all come together is because I want to make a toast of sorts."

You pause to take a breath. "It might have been almost two years ago, but I know it feels like only yesterday to most of you. The Game was an important and difficult time in our lives. We all experienced hardships. Wills, strengths, hearts, and relationships were all put to the test, and there were times when we failed."

Everyone starts to get a far off look in their eyes, remembering all the horrors of the Game.

"We've seen things no one else on Earth will ever see. We've done things that no one else could ever understand. Heck, we all became gods at one point or another. Sure, it makes fitting in here more difficult, and sure, we can't share our troubles and memories with anyone else."

"But," you pause to catch everyone's eyes. "That's really kind of a good thing. No one can understand what we've been through but us. We're all we have, we're all connected through our pasts, the things we've done together."

You start to tear up a bit. "We lost together, died together, fought, and finally won together. You're all my nearest and dearest friends. No matter where we go or what we do, we'll have each other's backs."

There are other misty eyes looking back at you. They all feel the same way, you can just tell.

You smile sadly and raise your glass (just water, there's no underage drinking at your parties!). "So let's have a toast. To a friendship that transcends all boundaries and will last forever!"

Everyone raises their glasses with you, shouting out, "To us!"

You hop down from the coffee table and start making your way over to John so you can give him a hug. Then it happens.

You hear a loud creaking noise and look up at your ceiling. A giant basin is hung up there, right above the disco ball, and it's tipping over. You have just enough time to yelp in surprise before the contents of the container rain down onto the dance floor.

It hits you squarely in the face and it is most certainly not water. This is punch, except it's goopy and sticky and absolutely disgusting. It's all over everything, sliding down your body and staining your skin and clothes a dark red.

There's screaming and complaining and cussing and people are trying to run out of the way, but everyone is completely covered in the stuff by the time it stops.

You swipe a hand over your eyes and look around. Everything is covered in goop, the party is positively ruined, as well as your furniture, floors, and the clothes of all your friends.

Pissed doesn't even begin to cover how you feel right now.

Then you see him. John is standing over by the TV (that's ruined too, your Grandpa is going to murder you), a look of shock plastered on his face. He's ridged, looks confused.

"JOHN MOTHERFUCKING EGBERT!!!!!!!!!!!"

His eyes go wide as he---and everyone else in the room---turns to you. Every fiber in his being looks like it's screaming: oh shit.

Oh shit indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot to put these two chapters up on here haha. Expect more from this fic, I'm focusing on it now.


	4. Everyone's Pain is Her Pleasure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I accidentally completely forgot to post this chapter??? This is supposed to go between A Prank Gone Wrong and Guilt Seeps In I'm so sorry guys.

Your name is John Egbert and your goose is cooked.

No, cooked isn't the right word. More like burned to nothing but ashes that are being blown away into the distance, never to be seen again.

This was not part of the plan! You're honestly really confused??? Vriska had only said it was blue dye, she didn't say she was going to dump it on everyone. 

Vriska.

You're going to have words with that troll. ...If your sister doesn't kill you, that is.

Jade storms up to you, rage the only thing you can see on her face. "Oh shit" doesn't begin to cover your emotions at the moment.

She starts screaming and you're flinching away because damn, she's loud and kind of really scary when she's mad.

"John!!!! How could you do this!? You know how hard I worked on this party! You absolutely ruined everyone's clothes and all the furniture and appliances in here! My Grandpa is going to have my ass!!!!"

"Jade! Jade stop!" You wave your arms wildly. "Let me explain!"

"What's to explain? You dumped this disgusting goop all over for a laugh. Does this look funny to you, Egbert!?" She's glaring and you're internally extremely relieved that she doesn't still have space powers. She'd be teleporting you to some pretty nasty places if she could.

"Jade, it wasn't me! Seriously, I would never ruin your party like that!" you explain desperately.

"Who else is a prankster at this party? You've pulled some pretty cruel ones, but this just takes the cake, doesn't it? One last Big Bang to go out on, right?" She's livid, teeth grinding, eyes glaring. You know there's no getting through to her like this.

You look around at your other friends for help, but none of them look that happy either. They're staying back out of fear of Jade, but they're all glaring at you too. Even Dave?? Even Feferi and Nepeta and Aradia and Tavros!?!? Jake and Jane and Roxy too!? You'd expect it from the others, but jeez! Everyone looks pissed at you.

This hurts. This is like a punch to the gut from every angry pair of eyes aimed your way. You're so confused and hurt and scared, what the fuck is even going on.

Then your eyes meet the one pair that aren't glaring. They're turned up from the smirk on the girl's face. Vriska is smirking at you. You plead at her with your eyes. You want her to explain what's going on, to fess up, to tell everyone the truth.

All you get is a feeling that on the inside, she's laughing cruelly at your distress.

With a look of betrayal, you turn back to Jade, preparing for the slap she's very likely to give you. What you get is much worse than any physical pain she could've inflicted.

"Get out."

You blink in shock, sure you heard her wrong. "Wh-what?"

"You heard me. Get out of my house, John. I don't want to see you right now."

You stand there, frozen from the icy stares, from the words that chilled you to your core.

She looked away when she said it, but she turns to look right at you now.

"Leave."

Slowly, you start to back away. Your heart is bleeding, stabbed by all the daggers thrown at you through the glares of your friends as you walk to the door. The tears have been building up, ready to spill when you're running home. 

The last person standing by the exit to Jade's living room into the foyer and to the door is Karkat. You accidentally get pulled into his glare before you go, but it doesn't stay that way. His eyes soften with pity for a second when they meet yours, but they quickly harden again. He's still mad, of course he is. What would you expect from the guy who used to actually hate your guts? You just gave him another reason to.

You bite your lip and run out the rest of the way, swinging her door closed behind you. You sprint in the direction of your house, tears finally rolling down your cheeks and blurring your sight until you have to stop and breathe.

You're gasping for air, but all that you feel is guilt settling heavily in your lungs. It burns and weighs you down, making everything hurt and you want to claw it out of yourself. This is Vriska's fault, not yours, remember?

But...you did pour the stuff in. There's no way it was dye, you got hit with it too and it's glue. It's a brilliant prank, but it's too mean to have pulled on your friends like that. All their clothes, Jade's furniture, floors, and appliances, they're all going to be stained from the punch. The glue will only make it harder to get out and more disgusting to get rid of. 

You're so fucking stupid, how did you even think dye was goopy like that!?

All your friends are going to hate your guts now. You can't believe Vriska would do that! She messed up all your friend's clothes and everything, she lied to them all, she lied to you. She left you alone to suffer the consequences of her prank, she made you do her dirty work!

You're so mad you want to go back there just to punch her, but it doesn't last. After a couple deep breaths, the guilt creeps it's way back in and gets joined by betrayal. 

You sigh deeply, wipe your eyes, and trudge home with a heavy heart.

~*~*~*~*

Your name is Vriska Serket and you are elated.

Everything went perfectly. Everyone was hit, everyone got super pissed, and you completely got away with it! You don't feel any remorse for John suffering because of your prank. He's the friendleader after all, they won't stay mad at him forever. Besides, as Jade demonstrated, he's the most likely candidate for something like this.

While everyone glared at John on his way out, you quickly and quietly pulled down the ropes and shoved them in your jacket. Best not leave any evidence.

The door shuts behind Egbert and everyone starts to break into complaints and sounds of disgust. Some of them grab towels and try to wipe off the damage (that won't do jack shit). Some are comforting Jade and promising to help her clean up. She looks exhausted and emotionally drained. Lovely!

You walk over to her and place a hand on her shoulder. A blob of the goop slides down your arm and onto her torso with the action (you had to get hit too, or they would've known it was you). "Jade, I'm soooooooo sorry your party was ruined!"

She sighs and smiles a little at you. "Thank you, Vriska. It'll be okay, I've just got my work cut out for me. This won't be easy to clean..."

"We'll stay and help," Dave says, Rose nodding behind him.

"Thanks guys."

Suddenly, you hear a loud screech coming from a bathroom.

Rose looks over, concern in her eyes. "That sounded like Kanaya."

Said troll runs out into the room and you have to bite the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing at her.

"This is horrible! These damn stains simply refuse to come out of my clothes!" She stomps her foot angrily. "The next time I see John, I'm going to slice him in half!"

"Not before I get my katana in him you're not," Dirk threatens angrily, raking his hands through his hair to try to get the gluey punch out.

"I'm blasting a hole through that bastard's gut," Eridan growls, pulling his scarf free from his neck. It slaps down on the ground with a loud splat.

Jade starts to go a little green. "Please don't kill John. He may be an ass, but he's still our friend."

"After a sthtunt like thith? How are you not ready to blow hith brainth out with your gun?" Sollux asks incredulously, psionics flaring up slightly.

"I don't know, she seemed like she was going to if he didn't leave when he did," Dave comments.

Jade frowns. "Maybe I was a bit too hard on him..."

"No, he needed it Jade. This wasn't cool, like, at all," Roxy assures her.

Rose nods in agreement. "It will serve as a lesson. Maybe he'll finally stop his pranks all together. Wouldn't that be a relief."

You hide a grin behind your hand while pretending to wipe goo off your nose. Ah, this is almost too good to be true!

~*~*~*~*

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you've never felt more stupid in your entire existence.

Seriously, where are the culling drones when you need them? Someone has to wipe the utter ignoramus that is you off the face of the planet.

When that slop hit you, your thoughts immediately flew to Egbert and you were ready to gut the fleshbag.

But...watching Jade scream at him, seeing his desperate looks, the tears in his sight globes when he looked at you just before leaving...

For a moment, he was downright pitiable.

And the thing that makes you stupid as fuck? You still think he's pitiable. While the rest of your friends were rattling off death threats, instead of joining them, you were worried about how Egbert was.

It's so sad, it's making you sick that you actually care after what he did.

Growling to yourself, you pour more bleach on the ground and go back to scrubbing. You decided to stay with Dave, Rose, and the couple others who were kind enough to help Jade clean up the mess that is her hive. You were put on floor cleaning duty, Dave and Rose are cleaning furniture, Roxy is trying to save the electrical appliances, and Feferi and Nepeta are picking up trash around the hive and outside.

Jade is trying to pack up all the food and drinks in her kitchen with Jane. She was too stressed to help with cleaning the room at the moment, so Dave and Rose took over. John would probably be scrubbing on his hands and knees until everything was cleaner than it was before his stupidass prank if he hadn't been chased out.

You shake your head, hoping to rattle your thinkpan and shake the thoughts out. What the everpitying fuck is happening to you!? Maybe you're inhaling the fumes of this bleach and it's messing with your head.

"Hey Karkles, don't clean so much that you rub her tiles away," Dave calls out with a smirk.

You look down and see that you've been scrubbing at the same spot for the past ten minutes, and it's definitely clean. Sparkling, even.

You turn to your other side and start working in that direction, pouring bleach and scrubbing goopy punch. This is exactly how you imagined your evening would end: cleaning up after these asshole friends of yours.


	5. Guilt Seeps In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was previously Chapter 4, but I had to fix it because Chapter 4 is actually Everyone's Pain is Her Pleasure that I forgot to post here for some reason??? That's why there was a time skip. So please go back and read that!

Your name is Jade Harley and you're exhausted.

After the party and cleaning up the mess left from John's stupid prank, you're wiped. With a long groan, you collapse on your bed.

"You okay, Harley?"

Dave and Rose are still here, everyone else left after the cleaning was done. You're thankful they stayed, you never would've been able to do it alone.

You bury your face in a pillow. "I'm just tired."

"You and I both," Rose sits at your desk, chair facing out to you and Dave. Said Strider is leaning against your door, arms crossed and leg up in a classic cool kid pose. He's such a dork.

You turn your head and look out your window with a sigh. "Do you guys...think I was too hard on John? I got so mad in the moment...I said some really mean things. He looked pretty upset when he left..."

"You know John. He'll forget about it by tomorrow and he'll be here with some apology cake his Dad made for him," Dave says with a roll of his eyes.

Rose nods in agreement. "I believe he needed to hear it. A harmless prank is one thing, but a stunt that requires hours of cleaning and results in several ruined outfits afterwards is another."

You sigh again and bury your face in your crossed arms. Rose comes over and sits beside you to rub your back soothingly. "John knows you love him, Jade. He won't take your words to heart, at least, not in a way that ruins your friendship. Hopefully he'll take to heart the fact that his pranks do have negative consequences."

You sit up and hug her, smiling. "Thanks, Rose. You're right, John will be okay. And maybe we won't have to deal with his awful pranks anymore!" you say with a laugh.

She smiles as well and says with a fond eye roll, "Wouldn't that be a relief."

After that, the three of you decide to relax in your room, playing card games, talking, and watching movies. You all need a break after that mess of a party.

No one wants to say it, but it feels like something's missing. When you're pulling out Sorry! and the blue pieces are left rattling in the container, it tugs at your heartstrings and you bite your lip. Dave deals cards for a game of go fish and he accidentally deals for an extra player. He grumbles at himself as he scoops them up, but it sounds more guilty and sad than annoyed. Rose rifles through the movie cases in your room and you see her hand pause on the section that you know has all of John's favorites in it. You see her shoulders stiffen a bit before she quickly moves and grabs a random classic Disney movie, popping it in the DVD player before joining you and Dave on the bed.

The movie is what really does it for the three of you. You can see Dave mouthing stupid commentary and jokes to himself because John isn't there to do it or laugh at any Dave decides to share. Rose keeps reaching way too far for popcorn because John normally hogs the bowl and he sits on the complete opposite side of your little cuddle pile. You yourself have to try incredibly hard not to loudly sing the lyrics or cry whenever anything sad happens, as these are things you and John usually do together during movies. 

What can you say? You all miss him. Terribly. It's a palpable feeling that surrounds you and your friends like a thick, melancholic mist. You've always been a foursome, so hanging out without John is like missing a limb.

As soon as the movie is done, you say your goodbyes to Rose and Dave, knowing that they feel the same as you. It's just too weird being together without John and knowing that it isn't because he's unable to be there, but that you chased him out. Your heart throbs at the thought, and once again you feel immense guilt for what you said and did to your good friend earlier that night. You just want to run to him and apologize (and maybe smack him around a bit, because it was a pretty mean prank). 

You put pajamas on, turn off the lights in your room, and curl up under the covers with all of your squiddles (and miscellaneous smuppets that Dave has left around). Tomorrow you'll message him on Pesterchum, accept his apology and make one of your own. You'll invite him back over with Rose and Dave so you can all properly hang out together. 

It'll be okay. Everything will be okay in the morning.

~*~*~*~*

Your name is John Egbert and you're probably the most pathetic person in paradox space.

After finally making it home, you had to make up some dumb excuse about Jade needing alone time to get ready for her summer vacation trip to tell your Dad. He acted as if he bought your blatant lie and the strained smile on your face, which you were grateful for as you rushed upstairs and slammed the door to your bedroom.

You sunk down against the door and pulled your knees up to your chest, shaking slightly. Eventually, you got up and grabbed the fluffy blanket Rose made you and the cute squiddle pillow you got from Jade.

Currently, you're curling up with said pillow and blanket on your bed, trying to calm down and wallow in your self-pity at the same time. When this doesn't work for long, you decide to distance yourself from your feelings for a while. You put on the headphones Dave gave you and plug them into your keyboard. You set it to a classical piano mode and completely lose yourself in the music for a few hours, playing anything and everything. By the time you've done basically every piece you can think of, it's pitch black outside and you realize that you can hardly see the outline of your hands against the plastic keys. 

With a sad sigh, you put away the headphones, switch off your keyboard, stand up, and instantly collapse on the ground. Groaning, you grab the sides of your head and roll on the floor in pain. It's like someone took your hammer and started slamming it around in your brain. After a few minutes, it fades away to an eventual nothingness. You shakily stand and rub at your temple, muttering with a weak laugh, "No more playing for hours on end in the dark."

You stumble over to your bed, twisting the blanket around your body as you flop down. Hopefully you can sleep off that weird headache. Whatever it was, it certainly wasn't pleasant. 

As you drift off to sleep, you don't notice the light of your phone blinking on the nightstand, signaling a message. 

~*~*~*~*

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 11:37--

CG: HEY EGBERT.  
CG: DON'T TAKE THIS MESSAGE THE WRONG WAY.  
CG: BECAUSE I'M STILL EXTREMELY FUCKING PISSED AT YOU AND THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU I WILL SHOVE MY STRUT POD UP YOUR SPINAL CREVICE AND MY CLAWS DOWN YOUR IGNORANCE TUNNEL.  
CG: BUT—  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: ARE YOU  
CG: OKAY?  
CG: I KNOW THAT JADE WAS ANGRY AS HELL.  
CG: AND SHIT REALLY HIT THE THRESHER BACK THERE.  
CG: SO  
CG: I JUST FELT RESPONSIBLE FOR CHECKING UP ON YOUR PASTY ASS SEEING AS YOU ARE MY FELLOW "PALHONCHO."  
CG: ENCLOSURE TALONS VERY MUCH INTENDED THERE.  
CG: ...  
CG: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ANSWER ME ARE YOU.  
CG: YOU'D BETTER NOT JUST BE IGNORING ME EGBERT OR SO HELP ME GOG I WILL RIP OUT YOUR SQUEAL PIPETTE AND THROW IT TO HARLEY'S BARKBEAST.  
CG: .........  
CG: LOOKS LIKE I WON'T BE BLESSED WITH THE PRESENCE OF ONE JOHN EGBERT ANY TIME THIS SWEEP.  
CG: WHATEVER, I'LL LEAVE YOU TO WALLOW IN YOUR PERSONAL PITY PARTY.  
CG: HAVE FUN ASSWIPE.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] stopped trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 11:58--

...

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 12:05--

CG: IF YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT LATER OR SOME SHIT...  
CG: I'LL HAVE AN OPEN AURICULAR SPONGE.


	6. Coping, More or Less

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay everything should be in order now. Please make sure you read Everyone's Pain is Her Pleasure in between A Prank Gone Wrong and Guilt Seeps In. I'm sorry about the mix up everyone!

Your name is John Egbert, and apparently you're done sleeping for the night.

A bright light pierces through the darkness behind your closed eyelids. You wince and squeeze your eyes shut, turning away to bury your head beneath several pillows and blankets. It's too late though, you're already awake.

With a sigh, you disentangle yourself and blindly scrabble for your glasses on the nightstand. You put them on slowly, blinking to let your eyes adjust. Your phone is still lighting up beneath your ghost sheets, a small rectangle of light bleeding through the fabric. You dig it out and hold it up so you can see the notifications. They're all from Pesterchum. There's probably sixty of them at least, from a multitude of people. Memories of yesterday invade your thoughts and you throw your phone down with a groan. You'd rather not read all the hateful, threatening messages from your friends this early in the morning.

You groan and pull yourself out of bed, getting dressed and thudding downstairs. The smell of pancakes perks your interest. Following it takes you to the kitchen where your dad is donning a frilly apron that used to belong to Nanna. He's flipping golden disks of goodness, a hefty stack already sitting on a plate beside the stovetop.

You swear he's the witch from Hansel and Gretel, just fattening you up so he can eat you later.

"Oh, good morning, John. I made plenty of pancakes, take a few and have a seat," Dad greets, smiling at you before turning back to his pan.

Electing to ignore this, you snatch a pancake off the top of the pile and tear bits of it off, nibbling them slowly. No need for a plate of you aren't using syrup (always too sweet, in your opinion). Dad rolls his eyes fondly, sliding a glass of orange juice across the counter for you. You catch it, lifting it to your lips and taking a sip; the cool liquid helps wake you up.

"How did you sleep, son?" Dad asks while adding the final pancake to the stack. You mumble incoherently in response as he cleans the kitchen.

"That's not exactly an answer, is it?" he says jokingly.

You sigh, "I slept fine, Dad."

"What do you say when people are lying, nowadays? Oh right, bullshit." He grins at your pain, loving the embarrassment he gives you just like every other parent in existence. It's a cruel world.

"Ugh, seriously Dad, I'm good," you grumble and grab another pancake.

"Alright, if you say so." He finishes washing and drying all the bowls, measuring cups, and pans, putting them away neatly in the cabinets. His apron comes off next, hanging on a hook inside the pantry where it's always been.

Dad grabs a few pancakes of his own, actually using a plate and utensils and sitting at the table like a civilized gentleman. Whatever, you're good like this.

The two of you eat in silence for a while, not exactly uncomfortable, but a little awkward nonetheless. It feels like there's something that needs to be said to each other, but neither of you are exactly willing to open that can of worms yet.

After even more elongated silence only filled by breakfast-noises, your dad sighs heavily. "John, why didn't you tell me about what happened at Jade's party?"

You freeze up in absolute horror, wondering where on earth he heard about it. Oh god, are people already gossiping about it? Did one of your friends post it on social media? Are there hundreds of people you don't even know judging you?

"Wh-what?" you whisper, turning to him in shock.

He sighs again and his disappointment cuts through you like a knife. "Come here."

You wipe off the crumbled remains of your third pancake into the trash, having pulverized the thing in your panic. Cautiously, you pad over to the table and sit down on the left side of your dad. He's not glaring at you, but the intense fatherly disapproval is there, and that's somehow a million times worse.

You squirm in your seat, averting your eyes in shame.

"John," Dad prompts.

"...I...I just...really didn't want to talk about it," you mumble, still not meeting his eyes.

"It's sort of important, don't you think?" he asks, most likely with a raised eyebrow. "And did you really think I wouldn't find out about it eventually? I do happen to know all your friends."

"...Who told you?"

"Rose. She was expressing concerns that you weren't answering anyone's messages so she asked me how you were after everything, which prompted her into having to explain it all to me," he answers.

You flinch back into your chair, reluctantly turning towards him. "I'm sorry."

Your dad's eyes soften. "I just don't know why you'd do something like that. To your friends, of all people." His fingers entwine, elbows leaning on the table. "I suppose that's my fault though, I'm the one who encourages the constant pranking."

"No no no, it's not your fault! And it's not mine either!" You cringe. "Okay well, it's not fully my fault."

Dad looks at you for explanation. You sigh and tell him the whole story, about Vriska tricking you (though it was obvious and you should've been more observant), about the prank following through, about Jade and the others chasing you out of the house. You finish with your eyes shut tightly, too scared to see what he thought of the circle of stupidity that is you.

"John."

You sneak a look at him, then widen your eyes in surprise. Dad's smiling sadly at you. That's...kind of the opposite of what you were expecting.

"Dad...?"

"I believe you," he says simply.

"What?" You're floored, honestly.

"I said I believe you, do keep up son." He chuckles. "I know how Vriska can be and what she's done to you and your friends in the past. It doesn't surprise me that she was really behind all this, and your naivety about the situation doesn't exactly surprise me either."

You'd be a bit offended if you weren't slammed with relief that someone is on your side.

"So...you're not mad?" you ask timidly.

He shakes his head. "I wasn't mad in the first place. And while I'm still a little disappointed, I'm mainly just worried about you. It must be rough for you."

You nod wordlessly, biting your lip as you look away.

"Why don't you tell the others what happened?"

"They won't believe me. After all the hate messages I'm sure are waiting for me up there, they'll just think I'm lying to get out of trouble. And besides, Vriska is an insanely good liar. She'll deny it and they'll take her word over mine, seeing as she isn't as much of a prankster as I am."

Dad looks at you pitifully, standing up and holding his arms open. You let your pride take a seat for a minute and hug him, letting him comfort you like you're a little kid again. 

"Shh, it'll be okay. I'm sure they'll all forgive you in due time. They aren't your friends for nothing, one prank won't destroy everything you've been through together," he soothes, ruffling your hair.

"Thanks, Dad," you say quietly, relaxing into his hold.

~*~*~*~*

Your name is John Egbert, and it's time for you to face the music, so to speak.

You're upstairs in your room now, sitting at your computer with your phone in hand, sighing as you scroll to the bottom of your messages.

Surprisingly, Karkat was the first to message you. What's even more surprising is that he doesn't even seem that angry. Like, there's the usual pissy-ness from him, but beyond that he actually seems...concerned?

\--ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 12:41--

EB: uh, hi karkat.  
EB: are you...okay?  
CG: SHOULDN'T I BE ASKING YOU THAT, NOOKWHIF?  
EB: well, you were being oddly nice to me back there, especially considering what happened at Jade's party.  
EB: i'm a little worried! are you sick or something?  
CG: FUCK YOU, I'M NOT SICK.  
CG: IF YOU WANT ME TO BE AN ABSOLUTELY SHITSTORM, I CAN GLADLY ARRANGE THAT FOR YOU.  
EB: no no! it's cool!  
EB: i like the nice karkat!  
CG: YEAH WELL DON'T GET USED TO IT, ASSCLOWN.  
EB: wouldn't dream of it, hehe.  
CG: SO...ARE YOU OKAY?  
EB: i don't know. i talked to my dad about it and he sort of helped, but i still feel really bad about the whole thing.  
CG: YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD, FUCKER.  
CG: ...BUT NOT TOO BAD.  
CG: LIKE NOT "OH SHIT ALL MY FRIENDS HATE ME FOREVER MIGHT AS WELL LET MY EXISTENCE GET FUCKED UP THE ASS WITH A RUSTY 2X3DENT."  
CG: MORE LIKE "OH SHIT MAYBE I SHOULD GO APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE AND OFFER TO CLEAN OR REPLACE THEIR STUFF THAT I FUCKED UP WITH MY ASININE PRANK."  
EB: yeah i'm working on that.  
EB: sorry karkat, it wasn't supposed to be nearly this bad, I swear!  
EB: you know i wouldn't intentionally do anything this shitty, i'm not a complete bastard!  
EB: but i'm really sorry.  
EB: are we good?  
CG: AS THE FELLOW FRIENDLEADER OF OUR GROUP, I HAVE THE EXPRESS OBLIGATION OF SAYING YES, WE ARE GOOD.  
EB: hehe thanks karkat.  
CG: DON'T MENTION IT. EVER.  
CG: FORGET THIS CONVERSATION EVER HAPPENED, POUR BLEACH INTO YOUR THINKPAN, WHATEVER IS NECESSARY.  
EB: i don't think i'll be doing that anytime soon, but if it makes you feel any better i won't tell anyone.  
CG: I GUESS I HAVE TO MAKE DUE WITH THAT SHITTY EXCUSE OF A PROMISE.  
EB: yup! now i gotta go, lots of people to talk to!  
EB: bye karkat!  
CG: LATER, CROTCHMAGGOT.

\--ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 12:50--

Now, next on your terribly long contact bucket list...oh.

It's Jade.


End file.
